I know it’s often debated what shows are kid friendly enough. I can’t even count how psycho moms, who had nothing better to do than pick apart my parenting (as complete strangers, no less), would berate me for letting my kids watch SpongeBob. I suppose they always felt entitled to do so, because I am a combination of a young mother and a person with a natural yell-at-this-b*tch face, so I always seemed to be given unsolicited advice back when I was too afraid to speak up and risk causing a stir. I mean, what did I know, right? Who was I to talk back to these middle aged harpies and tell them to shut up? But, these days, I’ve learned that there is no perfect way to parent, and being super strict or super relaxed at home won’t guarantee anything about your children’s future. I’ve also noticed that, as my daughter became school aged, boys have already been pre-programmed to degrade her based on her looks and intelligence level (“you’re ugly,” “only stupid people like Frozen,” etc). I don’t have to wonder where boys get this idea, because I’ve seen multiple mothers in functions try to demean their sons by saying things like “look at that, a girl did _____ before you! You’re supposed to be smarter/stronger/better than girls!” These retarded mothers say it so matter-of-factly, as if they truly believe boys are so much better than girls at everything. It’s as if these mother’s tiny brains have no other way to motivate their sons than by teaching them to see little girls as lesser beings. And, much as I, at 20, thought I had no right to question the SpongeBob haters, I’m certain that these boys at 5-6 years old likewise believe that their mothers are sharing valuable, true, and valid life lessons with them. However, I dare to dream that media influences can make a difference, if we help our children find role models in characters that don’t lust over girls or worry about who to date. Below are the list of shows that I have encouraged my children to watch over the past few years. I always try to find shows that teach them to think differently, shows that portray women as real, important characters and not sexual objects, and show that offer good morale examples that aren’t religion specific (let’s be honest, there are lots of bad Christians in the world, and a lot of good Muslims that aren’t terrorists, so believing in a particular faith doesn’t make you a better or worse person by default). Use your own discretion for age appropriateness, buy my kids are 9 and 6 as of this post.
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Not only is this show silly and fun, but there is a lot of subtext about being a good friend and what that means. Loyalty, bravery, honesty, courage – those are just a few of the things that can be learned by watching the show. I have used this show as an example to my Girl Scout troop that there is more than one way to be a girl! You do not have to fit into a mold, and being different is what makes life beautiful. I also highly recommend it for BOYS AND GIRLS because I think it’s ridiculous to tell girls it’s okay to like Ninja Turtles, but to tell boys it’s not okay to like shows with all female leads – and the messages about acceptance and friendship ring true no matter what your gender! So, break down those social barriers and tell your sons that it’s alright to be a Brony – even if your son is 45 and lives in the basement…
- Pokemon (any series). Pokemon has been on the air since the mid-90s, and even the Pope (a few Pope’s ago) said he thought this was a good show that taught children about loyalty and friendship. There has been hype from different groups that Pokemon promotes slavery and animal abuse, but these morons have clearly never watched the show. The main character, Ash, is constantly releasing Pokemon if they find a better opportunity in life (training, being with others like itself, etc), and he has repeatedly risked his life to save Pokemon that he never even wanted to catch. The show in general has a spirit of persistence, because Ash rarely ever wins a tournament, but he keeps trying and having internal monologues about not giving up. I also enjoy that Ash always has several friends on his journey, and at least one of them is always a female who is usually a better Pokemon trainer than Ash. Some of the girls develop a crush on Ash, but no romantic relationships ever develop in the main plot of the show (at least not between people, Butterfree was released to go find true love and all). Plus, if your children take to Pokemon they may turn that into more real-life friendships, as Pokemon the card and video game have Leagues all over the world where people of all ages can play together.
- Avatar: The Legend of Korra. This is the second in the Avatar series, and I have to say that it has sucked me into an obsession vortex. The show is very stylistic, offers cool technology, and interesting animals – not to mention that most of the characters have a super-power-like ability where they can bend the elements while performing martial arts-type katas (some control water, others can shoot fire from their fists, etc). There is also plenty of opportunity to learn about adversity, beating the odds, and that a girl can be the most powerful force in the world. The Avatar, Korra, doesn’t fixate on hair, or make-up, or losing weight (not all the empty, shallow junk you’ll get in a lot of shows starring a girl); she is a highly trained master who is the ultimate balancing force between good and evil, and she takes her position seriously. Plus, the Avatars are reincarnated continuously, and the current Avatar is a young woman of color, however, more interestingly, every other Avatar in history has been a woman (not as in every single one, but every odd numbered one). Using Asian principles of morality in their story lines (rooted in teachings from Buddhism and Taoism, but no religions are described or exclusively used), this show is really unbeatable in terms of intrigue and teaching kids not only how to do the right thing, but why you do it as well. Now, there was some controversy about Korra coming out of the closet on the final episode. I have to say that I saw the finale, and I did not interpret it the ending that way, so, if for any reason that is an issue for you, I will note that, if I (an adult who has a BA in Film and has written dozens of papers about how each movement on screen means something) didn’t catch it, your kids are not going to be “exposed” to anything. I’ve also heard rave reviews for the first series, Avatar: The Last Air Bender, unfortunately, my kids were babies when that show was out so I still haven’t caught it.
- Dr. Who. While this show first aired over 50 years ago, I recommend starting at the series reboot in 2005. While there are plot holes in many episodes that are big enough to walk through, Dr. Who is about a time traveler and his companions that go all over space and time to help others and fix problems. Interestingly enough, the Doctor is never interested in any of his companions romantically (he’s actually an alien, so he’s just not into humans). Overall, a long-running series with almost no lovey-dovey stuff offers a great example to show kids that men and women can interact together without romantic expectations getting involved. Growing up in my day, a male and female main character combo only meant one thing – a marriage was on the horizon. Maybe not right away, but before the finale they almost always get married. I wouldn’t have even guessed that boys and girls could be friends and not lovers by the examples set by the media. The story lines of Dr. Who vary greatly, and the show is actually a record holder for having the most different topics. This series not only gets kids interested in space, time, and technology, but it makes them question the world around them, which only leads to good things. And, it also helps watchers deal with the notion of loss, which may also cause parents to review the shows themselves before deciding if it’s age appropriate for their children. I’ve dubbed Dr. Who “the show that never has a nice ending,” because the Doctor always seems to leave things at least a little worse than he found them – but you move on and you learn how to deal with a companion leaving, or the Doctor changing forms, or some alien deformation that a person is permanently stuck with. But, one of my favorite points about the show is that, no matter what happens, the Doctor believes in hope, but never violence. He solves his problems with diplomacy, or finds a non-violent way to handle his adversaries.
- ReBoot. This is a hard one to find these day, but it is one of my favorites. The complete series is on DVD now, and the creative force of this show is worth the watch. The show centers around the sprites that live in your computer and participate in games. Think: Tron meets the video game industry. While the show is primarily goofy for the first two seasons, the advancing story line in season three is really worth hanging in for. And there are three very strong female roles in this show. It’s rare to find a Western-made show from the 90s or earlier where the girls are pivotal characters and not clunky stereotypes and last-ditch-efforts to get little girls to tune in. Overall, it’s very different, with lots of older game and movie references, and sparking the imagination is never bad for kids.
- Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli films. There are too many to list, but Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Ponyo, and other films all center around young women and their inner strength to overcome the odds. The films of Studio Ghibli also resemble what it would look like if imagination exploded onto paper in incredible detail. One such movie, The Cat Returns, I found particularly interesting because the primary character, a male cat, cannot save his female friend (a human getting turned into a cat), SHE has to find the will power to save herself. Check each film’s reviews and suggested age level for possible content issues, though; Grave of the Fireflies, for instance, is very powerful and both of the main characters die of starvation in World War II (it’s regarded as one of the saddest movies of all time), whereas a movie like My Neighbor Totoro is quirky and fun and really never gets to the point (the little girls’ mother is hospitalized, but they never really touch much on that issue).
- Brave. Frozen has a big message of sisterhood over boys, but not really if you’re paying attention. Sure, Anna risks her life to save Elsa, but lets look at what else is happening around her. Anna falls in love with Hans in one night, and when she learns that he’s evil, what does she do? Oh, she’s ready to go after Kristoff because she hears he likes her. And, ultimately, they end up together, because, ya know, Anna doesn’t need to rebuild her relationship with her estranged sister, or take on some of the burdens of leadership, she needs a new guy to cloud her judgement at a sensitive time in her life, yet again (nice as he may be, this time). It just sends a convoluted messages that basically tells girls to end up being boy crazy. Brave does a much better job of demoting the romantic love story in a film, because Merida hates all of her suitors and the film ends without her having a single shred of emotional attachment to any of them.
- How to Train Your Dragon 2. While this one is a typical guy-loves-pet story, you have to love Astrid, the female lead, is the biggest bad a$$ in the village. And, even though Astrid is dating the main character, there is an interesting, complex story that unfold as Hiccup’s mother resurfaces. (SPOILERS! STOP READING NOW IF YOU AREN’T CAUGHT UP!) Turns out, his mother was alive all this time, and just doing her own thing – free and independent. She chose her work with dragons over her family, and she isn’t particularly apologetic or guilty about that. Considering that most women are instilled with the crushing knowledge that they must sacrifice everything in their life to have children (bye bye friends, careers, personal goals, etc), it’s definitely a shoot off from the norm to have a mom be more than just a boring, wait-around-the-house-making-dinner kind of mother. Another interesting character is Ruffnut, the female twin in the film. When boys lust after her, she ignores them. However, when she spies a boy she likes, she goes after him and makes semi-lude comments about him, making the man very upset and uncomfortable. I have to admit that I love this shoe-on-the-other-foot scenario, and maybe it will make some boys think twice about growing up to treat women like that.
- Steven Universe. Okay, so, from everything I’ve seen, all the Gems (the all-powerful goddess-like figures) are all female. Steven, however, is half gem, half human – his father is a well-meaning dolt, and his best/only friend is a smart girl from town. Even though Steven is the primary character, this is a show about women kicking butt and saving the world while Steven is trying to learn from them and grow into that role.
- Adventure Time. Again, this seems like another boy-centric show. There is a lot of action, and the two main characters are male. BUT, the ladies in the show are doing some pretty amazing things all around them. Princess Bubblegum is not only a pretty-pretty princess, she is a brilliant scientist who is constantly worrying about her people and how to keep them safe while she builds her awesome devices. Flame Princess overthrew her father and took over the Flame Kingdom, then promptly broke up with the main character, Finn, for lying to her. Betty realized that her boyfriend turned into the crazy Ice King, so she came to the future to find a way to cure him alone. And Marceline the Vampire Queen is about as tough of a girly-girl as you can get. Not to mention any episodes where they do the Internet-gender-swap thing and the main characters turn into the females Fiona and Cake, who run around saving the day, and the princes.
- Young Justice. M’gann M’orzz, Supergirl, Batgirl, Zatanna, Wondergirl, Artemis, and other young females of various power and talents save the world over and over again while dealing with body/self-esteem issues, boyfriends, and other normal girl problems. There are definitely a lot more male characters in the show than females, but the girls are not there to be eye candy – they are active, important, and equal in every way.
There are probably a million other examples in media that I am not familiar with, but I hope you other parents agree that giving boys endless examples of how to be around females without having a superiority complex or a sexual motive is a good thing. While your kids will also see plenty of bad examples in the media, you can still decide to take the opportunity to speak up against something that isn’t okay. For example, I grew up watching Jem, a cartoon that’s similar to Hannah Montana, but the main character changes into a pop star with holograph-projecting earrings. The crappy part of the series is that her boyfriend doesn’t know that these woman are the same person, and he starts a relationship with the pop star while dating the “regular” girl too, and Jem just puts up with it and never calls the boyfriend on his recurring, often inexplicable, anger issues! The show teaches young girls to accept abusive, two-timing men and to keep loving them anyways – that is clearly an opportunity for parents to speak up and explain why that boyfriend needed to go. Or, in The Croods, there is a scene where the flora and fauna make the mother character up by curling her hair, which makes her husband have a “wow-ee” moment. This is a chance to tell your kids that a woman’s value isn’t based on what she looks like, and that changing your hair doesn’t make a man more interested in you. Girls will never be seen as true equals and as being capable of doing anything if the media doesn’t stop blasting standards and limitations at them – and that kind of mentality starts early and appears everywhere in our culture. Being beautiful and having children are things that so many little girls grow up believing that they have to do, and it’s because they are pin-holed into those thoughts from the time they’re born. Being a woman should mean whatever that individual woman wants it to mean. If we don’t glorify alternative examples of how to live, then girls grow up thinking that you have to spend an hour in the bathroom before work to be “presentable,” and the worse thing in the world is if boys don’t like you, or how you should have to change for them. Girls have so much more to offer if we show them there are endless options out there, and, since not everyone knows how to go about this, I say selecting the things they watch is an easy way to start paving the road to men and women having better respect towards each other.
Trying to Mom 