budget | Trying to Mom

There are some things I’ve learned about being a mother to multiple children. While I could make a book on various topics, I would like to address a number of things that I’ve learned about the stuff your children accumulate and why it is better to just NOT buy some of this crap to begin with. Whether you are on a budget or not, this advice may be useful to you just to keep the credit card bills and clutter OUT of your life as much as possible.

Take the iPad/iPod/Tablet/Phone/Whatever OUT of their hands. When my 11 year old was developmentally growing, this was not an issue. However, my now 8-year-old started Kindergarten and I didn’t not even realize how behind she was. She could not hold a pencil to save her life, and still has very poor writing skills. In fact, teachers around the country are commenting that, every year, less and less kids are able to hold a pencil when they start school. Why? All thanks to the digital age when it’s very, very easy to let your kids get addicted to touch screens over crayons and markers. After all, there’s no mess involved, it keeps them quiet while you’re out and about, and, there’s an endless supply of games that you can offer to your children. To be fair, had our county offered Pre-K, we would have caught this issue earlier, but it was something that was so not a thing for my older child that I never even realized that this could even happen. While we all mean well, and everyone needs something that will magically shut their kid up sometimes, we need to start breaking out the writing utensils again too. Not only make them available, but force your children to draw, color, and write their letters and numbers everyday.
Don’t buy early – once they grow into it, it won’t be their cup of tea. The physical space in your home is valuable. I’ve learned to not purchase anything in advance unless it is on a mega-clearance sale and I have reason to believe my kids will use the item. Other things, I’ve learned the hard way that I should have made a different choice. For example, my son asked for, and was given, the Harry Potter book series about 4 years ago. He was a strong reader, but the made up names in the books made it too difficult for him to keep up with, so he got frustrated and they sat on the shelf, untouched, for years. We’ve moved those books to three different addresses, and just about a month ago he finally started reading them. Meanwhile, I could have bought them on clearance a dozen or more times and/or gotten them from the library for free. Likewise, I found a buttload of Leapster cartridges on clearance and bought every single one of them to give out as gifts to my kids later. They are now both too old for Leapster, and guess who forgot about the box of unopened games sitting in the attic? Also guess how much these games are worth on eBay? Yep, less than I paid…
It doesn’t matter how hot a toy is, if it’s not age appropriate, don’t bother getting it. I have gone head first down this rabbit hole too many times myself. There is always going to be a new, hot toy, and 99.999% of the time, even if the item is impossible to find one year, it is everywhere the next. And just because you think a belching Shrek doll will be your son’s most prized possession in 5 years does NOT mean that he will share your feelings. Likewise, a little girl seeing a porcelain Little Mermaid doll on the shelf may not be able to help herself from ripping into the box, then pulling off Ariel’s wig (true story…). So, if the kid isn’t into the item enough to specifically ask for it by name, there’s no point in even considering it. Frozen frenzy hit and I was snatching up things for my daughter just because they were available, without even taking into account whether or not she would like said toy. The end result? Frozen toys are readily findable everywhere now, and many items are hitting clearance shelves, which means I wasted a LOT of money.
Your kids might beg, scream, and cry for a toy in the store, but get it home and they won’t care about it. I’ve had my 11-year-old ready to cry because I would not let him buy a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal with his own money. Yes, that sounds super mean, harsh, and controlling, but you know what? He doesn’t have two words to say about that toy when it’s out of sight. Just like he doesn’t care about the other 500 stuffed animals in his room that he never bothers with. Lots of kids get a mini-high to just “get stuff.” They don’t care what, or maybe they fixate on a particular item, but it doesn’t mean they really want it, they just really want something. Even if they do get their heart set on one particular item and they do not get it – it’s a good lesson to learn that they will survive even if they don’t always get their way.
You don’t need it. This one is really hard for a lot of us parents to get our heads around, but, the truth is, your child’s intelligence has nothing to do with whether or not you give them LeapFrog brand toys. They will not be physically impaired or overweight if you don’t buy them a trampoline. And, despite the contrary belief of children across the world, the sun will rise again if they don’t own every Skylander that hits the shelf.
You definitely don’t need it in bulk! I know moms who get obsessive over their children’s belongings, and they feel compelled to buy entire sets of things just to own the complete set. It really doesn’t matter what the item is, they are going to outgrow it, then it just becomes either clutter that you spend years tripping over, or stuff that gets tossed in a donation bin or yard sale. Either way, you’re throwing away money needlessly. And, in all honesty, kids will have a few favorite toys, but they don’t need a mountain of junk to be happy, and they won’t even touch most of it.
Buy clothes that are too big. When you have a child under 5, you will be buying clothing non-stop. Even if you are getting clothes as hand-me-downs, they are still going to take up space, and a lot of space if you aren’t constantly throwing things out to Goodwill. But, have you ever stopped to notice the size difference between most garments? Usually, it’s just an inch or two, and while that can be a big inch for pants, on shirts, it’s typically not such a problem. My advice, let your two year old wear a 5T shirt. You’ll get more miles out of the shirt, you’ll have to buy new clothes less often, and you’ll have less clothes to store while you’re waiting for them to transition to bigger sizes.
There’s always another sale. So many times I’ve gotten caught up in buying something because it was a good deal. And, while I do recommend being a thrifty shopper, sometimes you have to step back and think if you really, really need something. There have been several times where I’ve gone through Walmart and seen clothing on sale for $1 per item. Not only did I stock up, but I went waaaaaay overboard, buying shirts and pants for 10 years into the future. Sure, money was saved, and clothes are something you will always need, but now I look back and wonder what I was thinking. My kids go to a school that requires uniforms, so there’s only 2 days a week where they wear normal clothes anyways, and some of these $1 buys were available in bigger sizes because most kids over don’t want to wear a Toy Story or Mickey Mouse Club House shirt when they’re in a size 14/16.
If you find out that you did miss out on an item, and it will never be in stock again, it still doesn’t matter. Lets say your kid loves Wreck It Ralph, and you didn’t buy her that Vanelope doll hoping for a sale to come around. But, the stock was so limited that the sale never came, the item sold out, and now you can only find it on eBay at 100000000% mark up. So what? Your kid didn’t get something they wanted. That’s actually a good thing! They may pout or cry for a little while, but then they’ll get the heck on over it and become interested in something new. There is always something new coming.
Don’t save your old clothes if there’s a decent gap between your kids’ ages. I can’t tell you how often I fell in love with a onsie, and wanted to save it “just in case.” Well, now we’re talking about having a new baby, and while I’m cleaning house I’m debating whether or not to save the size 6 clothes that my daughter is just growing out of “just in case.” I know this goes against saving money and all that good stuff, but don’t do it! My daughter loved Kai Lan, I’ve got a number of super cute Kai Lan clothing that I’m about to get rid of, but, I’ve realized that, even if I have another little girl, Kai Lan is long since cancelled and will not be even remotely “cool” if I hang onto these clothes. Even clothing without characters are likely to be very dated in another 6 years, so with the way that clothing is constantly on sale, it’s not worth the space issue to hang onto all these other outfits.
You can save some things, but give yourself boundaries. I’ve mentioned in other posts that sometimes I get attached to clothing and I drag my feet to get rid of it. Well, I finally found a good compromise. I bought myself one of those plastic tubs with a lid, and if I find a shirt that I can’t let go of, I put it in there. Eventually, I plan to collect enough to make a few different t-shirt quilts, but giving myself permission to save my personal favorites has given me a mental push to get rid of all the other clothes that are no longer useful.