So, not too long ago I made a really long post on why I wouldn’t lead a Girl Scout troop again, and I wrapped up my post by saying how drama-free Cub Scouts was. Welp – it turns out that I was very, very wrong! Just a little warning in advance, I am not very educated on Cub Scouts, so I will likely use some of the terminology wrong and/or invent some of my own.
We basically fell into a Pack at random. Without giving out too many details, we realized that one Pack near us had a number that associated to a Disney character that we really love, so that’s where we went! I’ll pause for a moment while my readers mutter to themselves that I got what I deserved for using that selection method.
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Those asterisk are your moment, take you time to read them as often as you like until the moment passes – haha!
Well, last year my husband took my son, and, while there was a lot of chaos and confusion, there wasn’t any noticeable, personal dramatics going on with the leadership. We came in halfway through the year, and there were only 2 other Bear Cubs in that den. We were told that it was due to the Den Leader passing away last year – that his death just freaked everyone out and they left the Pack. But, even so, it was hard not to notice that people seemed to disappear from the Pack a lot. I don’t mean that they were absent, I mean that one day the scouts just never returned.
That happens, I’ve seen it happen myself for many different reasons, so I didn’t think much of it. I also made it a point to stay in the car whenever my husband had to work on a Cub Scout night, just so that I would get sucked into the Pack. Honestly, I complain and vent on here a lot, but I am too nice in person and have way too hard of a time telling people “no.” So, when I had to come in one week to hand over a check, and the lady in charge (I think the Committee Head), Ernie, heard me mention to someone else that that I was a Girl Scout leader, I noticed her perk up and zero in on me. There was a sudden, “hello, oh, we love your son so much! You should have a seat!” Just a real fake-ness that I turned tail and ran from quickly. I was already volunteering, or single handedly running, thirteen different groups over six days of the week, and I was exhausted.
This scouting year started, and during the mandatory parent meeting we were told that drop offs were no longer allowed. Then, the Ernie lady came up to me privately and said that, because I was in the meeting space, I would have to register as a Cub Scout volunteer. She could have said this to other people too, I really wasn’t paying attention, but she did not say this as a mass announcement. Now, I knew that Girl Scouts had a similar policy, so, again, I didn’t think a lot of it. I filled out the application and gave it to Ernie, saying “If you need photography done, I’m your go-to gal, but I won’t be good for much else this year.” I had just cut back to volunteering at 3 places, and I wasn’t willing to overwhelm myself again.
That seemed to be understood alright, and Ernie told me that they had a photographer who was a parent, and he would be doing photos for the Pack – perhaps I would help him with that. I said GREAT! That’s right up my alley!
However, the next week I came in, and I didn’t notice the photographer dad any more. While I’m helping my daughter get through her reading homework, Ernie sits down in front of me and says “how do you want to handle the Pack photos?” Pretty confused, I said “well… what are you thinking..?” Ernie explained that they wanted to do a fundraiser via photos, and would I be willing to do it for free. I had done something similar for my Girl Scouts last year, and I knew if the photos had to be purchased then a lot of parents wouldn’t order and it wouldn’t be a ton of work, so I didn’t have a problem agreeing to take on a pro-bono job. I went home, spent a few hours working up a full proposal, and said that, as long as the prints are paid for, I’ll donate my time. I sent it to Ernie and never heard a word back. I also didn’t think to question what had happened to their original photographer, because, I seem to be thick in the head like that.
Then, the next week happened. A Pack email went out naming me as a new committee member. I didn’t really understand the reference, because Girl Scouts don’t have committees at the troop level – or, if we do, we don’t use that title for it at least. So, not paying a whole lot of attention to that announcement, I go to the meeting the next night, and there is a sudden shift in the vibe of how Ernie is treating me.
We’re at a bowling alley with the Pack, and my kids and I are the first people there. My son pays Ernie the fee to bowl, then Ernie turns to me, slides a legal ledger and pen across the table, and goes, “write ‘scouts’ here and ‘adults’ there, then draw a line down the middle so that I can keep track of who paid.” That is an exact quote, because, not only was I shocked to have a near stranger talk to me so abruptly, but I didn’t like the fact that she spent more time giving me a command than it would have taken her to do the action herself. Even so, I didn’t want to start anything, so I wrote “scouts,” “adults,” drew a line down the middle, and then wrote in my son’s name.
“No! No! NO!” Ernie screams at me from over my shoulder. “I don’t need names, I just need a place to put tally marks so I know how many people paid in total!”
Whatever. I scratch out my son’s name, put a tally mark down, slide the ledger back to her and go sit down at another table with my daughter. We’re not bowling, just minding our own business, working on her homework. After the majority of scouts had paid, Ernie comes over to me again.
She tells me, “Tammy’s not here tonight, so you’re in charge of Bears.” Before I could even wrap my head around that statement (as it was another demand, not a request, and my son is a Webelos, not a Bear – plus I have no idea who the hell Tammy is) she quickly continues, “I know that’s not what you signed up for, but you gotta do what you gotta do.”
I raised my brow and told her, “I don’t know anything about Bears.”
With a sign of great aggravation, Ernie starts growling at me through her teeth, “you don’t have to know anything, it’s a belt loop!”
I’m feeling more than a little annoyed right now, because I’m with my 6 year old daughter who has symptoms of Autism and there’s no one else to supervise her while I babysit a group of 3rd graders that I have nothing to do with. Meanwhile, Ernie goes off to bowl with the Cub Master and her husband, who is another member of the committee, neither of them lead any Den of scouts, and they had no excuse to not be supervising the Bears themselves. But, to my relief, the Tiger leader began to adopt the Bear Cubs, so I slowly backed my way out of the bowling zone and back to the table with my daughter. They had it under control, I didn’t need to be there.
Ernie comes back over a few minutes later. Perhaps she was annoyed that I didn’t stay on top of the Bears, I’m not sure, but she asked me to “take a walk” with her. For no apparent reason, she pulls me over to the corner and starts talking in confusing circles, ultimately coming to the point that it is now my responsibility to organize and inventory the supply closet. Again, this was not a “would you mind?” or “could you please?” request, it was a flat out demand. In fact, it was almost handed out like a punishment for not volunteering enough on my own.
Ernie continues, “oh, by the way, you’re on the committee.”
I told her, “I didn’t ask to be on any committee.”
“Well, you’re on it. You have to come to the meetings, and you didn’t show up yesterday. You can’t vote or anything like that, but you’re on the committee. I should have told you that earlier, really.”
In my head I was thinking, “no, you should have ASKED me that!” but I kept my mouth shut for the sake of peace and my ever-mounting confusion in this situation.
So I mozy away from Ernie and back to my daughter again. I looked back and saw that the Webelos game was almost finished, so I thought I’d go to the counter and get a copy of the score for my son. While I’m waiting at the counter, Ernie walks up to me again and says “get a copy of all the scout lanes.”
Another order? REALLY? I looked back at the games and said, “most of them are still playing.”
“Well,” she responded with an attitude, “just wait here until they’re finished!”
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough after that! I had meant to ask about the photography proposal, but after getting bossed around all night I somehow wasn’t as eager to bring the subject up again. I was ready to explode all over that rude woman who spent all night giving me commands like I was her dog. But, this was the first time I’d seen Ernie act like this, so instead of refusing to return to the Pack, I decided to ask my husband to request the next scout meeting off and see how he got treated. It was definitely interesting, because my husband specifically asked Ernie to let him organize the craft closet, and she refused to unlock it for him, claiming that it was my responsibility, and if I couldn’t make it to scouts on that night, then the task would be there for me next week. Seriously?!
A few days later I was emailed something from the person who picks up the scout awards for the boys, and she asked me verify some things. I told her some corrections that needed to be made to my son’s listing, but that I wasn’t a leader so I didn’t know anything about what the other boys earned. She wrote me back saying that I’m listed as an assistant den leader, so I’m supposed to know these things. This was the first time I’d ever heard anything about that!
I suppose sending my husband in also earned me another punishment from Ernie, because next week, on the morning of the Den meeting, a Pack-wide email was sent out stating that photos for the pack would be happening for the next three consecutive weeks. No one had discussed this with me at all, so, I was getting even more upset. I’m a freelance photographer by trade, and not only is October through December my busiest time of year, but the Pack is nowhere near big enough to justify me hauling close to 100 pounds of photography equipment in and out of the meeting venue for three weeks straight. I could shoot every scout in less than an hour. But, I thought, maybe the original photographer came back onto the project, so I need to be an adult and get this straightened out as politely as possible.
I wrote Ernie an email and asked if someone else was doing the photos now, because no one was communicating with me at all, and no contract had been signed to outline my pro-bono agreement with the Pack. I made it very clear that I do not work without contracts and waivers – EVER! I probably should have stopped there, but I added in that I had no idea what was going on, or why I was getting listed as a committee member and assistant den leader when I never sought out those kinds of positions, and that I had already told her that I wasn’t interested in leading. Ernie’s emails to the Pack, the one’s that assigned me to jobs and positions without my consent, always used the phrase “many hands make light work!” So, I told her, yes, many hands do make light work, but they are not your hands to control and I am not a pawn. I am a person, I am tired of finding out things like this by surprise, and I told Ernie that she needs to speak with me before she commits me to something, and especially before she announces it to the entire Pack like that.
It sounds more crude in the short form, but I fluffed it up and tried to make it as nice, but firm, as possible. My goal wasn’t to refuse to help the Pack, but I did not want to be volun-told and blindsided with things so discourteously. However, the response that received went beyond my expectations.
I really thought that Ernie might have no idea that she was treating me that way, so I figured she’d read the email, see there was a problem, and we’d work it out like adult women. But did Ernie write me back? No. Did she call me up? Nope. She looked up my husband’s work number from my son’s registration forms and called HIM up – flipping out, cursing, and screaming at him about what a liar I was and how I was always fully aware and consenting of what was going on. For 15 minutes this woman off loaded onto my husband, who had nothing to do with this situation. And when my husband told her “you do need to ask her if she will do something instead of telling her she is doing it,” Ernie yelled some more, pulled me off of everything, and hung up on him. Am I the crazy one here, or does that just highlight what a terrible communication problem that Ernie has?
After that, I did not want to go to the Den meeting that night, but my husband pushed and pushed that I had to so our son could get his awards. I did it, sweating bullets the entire time that Ernie was going to come bite my head off too. However, she wouldn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me.
The next morning I find an email from Ernie. She write me, pretending to have never spoken to my husband on the phone, and tells me that she already explained when I signed up that there was no position for “photographer” in a Pack, so she HAD to list me in the committee. This was a bold faced lie, because, if she had explained this to me before, why did she say “I should have told you” about being on the committee at the bowling alley two weeks later?
Then she informed me that the photos were scheduled on my behalf because I didn’t show up to the last committee meeting, so that was my own fault. Now, this was the first time that I had heard about any meeting going on – no one told me a thing! After that, she claimed that she had so wanted to speak with me at the Den meeting the night before so badly, but that I RAN OFF too quickly. I was waiting in the dessert party area for 35 minutes past the meeting – Ernie was avoiding me with every fiber of her being and never stepped foot in there. During the meeting, she also came to talk to the woman sitting in the row in front of me. How is that me running off?! I quickly realized that Ernie wasn’t doing anything by mistake, and looking at her lie so profusely about what had happened was all that I needed to see that this situation wasn’t going to get better.
I rebutted her lies with all this information, and said that, if someone is donating 40-60 hours of their time to do a project for the Pack, you have to plan with them, not for them. There was no time frame for having these photos done, so even if I had been in the wrong and not shown up to a meeting that I didn’t know about, that was still no excuse to schedule me to work without consulting me first. I added in how inappropriate it was for her to call my husband at work. I told her that maybe she called his work number by mistake, but once she realized I wasn’t at that number, and he said he was on the clock, it made no sense for her to keep flipping out on him like that. If she wanted to talk to me, she should come speak to me directly, because that was the entire problem that I was complaining about!
Minutes after sending that email, Ernie calls my husband at work AGAIN! Literally less than 10 minutes after being asked not to call that number for this crap! She doesn’t even call it looking for my number, she calls looking to fight again. When my husband doesn’t answer, she leaves him a nasty voice mail saying that I just don’t get it, she’s tired of playing email tag with me, and I’m just a bitch. On and on – and on tape! Really, all of this stemming from me telling her to ask me before she put my name to something and not backing down from demanding that courtesy?!
After she leaves that message on my husband’s work phone, she sends me two emails. One asking for my phone number (which, hmmm, is on the same damned form she just got my husband’s number off of!) and another, two minutes later, giving me her phone number and telling me to call her ASAP.
At that point, I was done. I’m not going to have a nasty, childish woman flip out on me over the phone, then pretend to be a blameless saint in email. My husband said we weren’t going back to that nut job Pack, so I responded to Ernie in email again and told her to just keep everything in writing from here on out. That way, when she comes back and tells me that I didn’t do the right thing or show up when I was supposed to, I would have proof of who wasn’t communicating with who. Mostly, I sent that so I would get any more “call me NOW” messages, but her lies and behavior had escalated to a point where I wouldn’t converse with her any other way.
Without much of a wait time, a new email was sent to me from Ernie, which included all the members of the Council (voting and non-voting). It basically shamed me for the situation and said that, since I refuse to talk and reach a solution, my son and I were voted on, and we were no longer welcome in the Pack. Now, it’s not that we were coming back anyways, but I find it funny that I told her to put things in writing due to how two-faced she was being, and her immediate response to that is to get rid of us. If she hadn’t been such a brat, she would have had an excuse to keep our dues money, but since she threw us out, they now are required to refund it. Oh, the drama! The delicious, juicy, completely unwanted drama!
Now, as a side note to this insanity. My husband reported Ernie and sent in her recorded voice message, complaining that she was behaving like a crazy person and bothering him at work after being asked to stop calling that number repeatedly. What did the BSA Council do? Oh, they said volunteers are hard to come by, so they won’t do anything unless child safety is an issue, so we should go find a new Pack. Considering how much money is made off of these kids buying uniforms, badges, and selling popcorn – you think a few craps might be given about how leaders behave and represent the Boy Scout brand – but I guess not!
Trying to Mom 