With it being Summer time, I’m already planning out the schedule for my 8 and 11 year olds for next school year. With one in elementary and one in middle school, it’s a daunting, exhausting task as more and more options open up due to their ages. Now, we went from a $40k a year household of four to a $15k a year household of five, so not only do we need to choose activities wisely, we also have a new baby which means that mommy doesn’t want to sit in the car or in a parents holding cell for hours on end while the older kids do their thing.
Looking back with 100% honesty, I would discourage you from pushing your children to do or sign up for something that isn’t their idea. Also, do not listen to a three-nager about what he/she is willing to do. In either scenario, it will be a battle to drag them to everything, and you will waste a lot of time and money just because you’re exited to have them involved in something. Take your time, remember you have over a decade for your children to find “their thing” even after they enter elementary school, and parenting is not a competition, so just because your overbearing relatives or neighbors do something does NOT mean that you need to follow suit.
I don’t know yet what all my kids will end up doing this Fall, but I wanted to outline most of the activities we have done and give my two cents on each of them.
Here’s a list of most of the things that my kids have done over the past six-ish years:
- Flag Football
- Soccer
- Tae Kwon Do
- Karate
- Girl Scouts
- Cub Scouts
- Boy Scouts
- Dance
- Gymnastics
- Reading Bowl Team
- Golf
- Track
- Recreational Cheer
- Pokemon Card Gaming
- Math Club
- Art Club
- Theatre Plays
- Junior Beta Club
- Science Fair
- Gifted Program
- Piano Lessons
- Various Camps
- 4-H
- County Council
- Horse Club
- Robotics Club
- Archery Team
- Public Speaking Contest
Basically, if my kids want to try it, we’ve let them. Here is my breakdown of the programs we experienced, the cost, the time involved, and my overall impressions. Your mileage may vary, so, as always, use your best judgement and do your own research.
4-H – this is by far the most diverse program, so I will start here. We are fortunate enough to live in an area where 4-H is largely used as a way to supplement home schooled children with clubs, teams, and other social engagements (whereas other areas, I’ve heard, only use 4-H for county fair projects). We try to take advantage of all of the programs through 4-H that we can because they’re well run and often very affordable because 4-H is run through state universities and NOT private corporations or non-profits. This means they don’t rely solely on donations or the kids’ fundraising efforts to support the programs, so you aren’t out trying to shame all of your friends and relatives into buying cookies all the time.
County Council – This is a 4-H program that allows any members to meet and have educational/social opportunities. For us, it’s a monthly program that’s free to participate in, and you will learn about all other 4-H opportunities here as well.
Horse Club – Again, we’re lucky here, because we don’t have to own a horse to join. It can be as little as going to meetings to learn about various horse topics, or you can go as far as to join their horse quiz bowl team or show your horse (if you have one). Once a month and $20 a year, which includes a trophy at the end of the year, so it’s a no-stress club to be apart of.
Robotics Club – This one was pricey, at $100 for the school year, but the Lego Robotic kits are obscenely expensive (I believe they start at $500). The instructor was an engineer, and the kids split into groups to compete against each other. If you do well, you can try out for the Robotics Team that competes against other teams across the state/country.
Archery Team – This was another one at the $100 mark, but it’s for the entire year, includes a team shirt and three competition entry fees, plus all time on the indoor/outdoor shooting range and coaching. Compared to what I hear other moms spend on Baseball or competitive cheer, $100 is nothing. BUT, Archery is a sport where you have to get your own equipment to shoot with, and what you spend can easily be proportional to how well your child can perform. For instance, you can’t go buy the $30 Little Sioux bow at Walmart and compete, you need at least $100 bow (closer to $200 for a starter compound bow). If your child shoots the traditional recurve bow, you will need a new one every time they grow or get stronger. If you go with compound and get the cheaper bow, like Genesis, they will still outgrow it quickly and need a $400-700 bow to continue advancing in the sport. Plus, arrows! Your kid will lose or break arrows like crazy, and the decent arrows run at least $5 each. Not to mention arm guards, sights, quivers, releases – seriously, the richer kids will do much better just because they can afford better equipment and more upgrades. I wish we had joined the BB Team instead, because everyone in the nation uses the same $150 gun, no other options or add ons after that.
Public Speaking Contest – Where we live, this requires a 4-6 minute speech that the child writes, and visual aids. As the kids get older, participating in this competition will include free camping trips. But, my son has done this for two years now, placed 1st both years, and he isn’t much for social conversation, but he knows how to really “wow” when he does presentations now. It’s free to enter, so this is something I force him to do – and there is a lot of fighting about not wanting to write the speech or practice, but he publicly speaks better than anyone else in his grade, so I find that to be a valuable trait to have.
Flag Football – This was through both the YMCA and a private league. Both were a little on the pricey side at around $150 per 6 week season, and since my son was younger, I don’t think he really benefited from it or learned anything. At his request, he hasn’t been in football since 2010. With both programs, we had trouble with the volunteer coaches showing up, so, if you are not willing to volunteer and commit to coaching, I wouldn’t waste the money hoping that another parent will do a decent job at it.
Recreational Cheer – My daughter did this program through a private franchise business. I believe it was $110 for a 7 week season, which included the uniform (minus shoes and an undershirt), a trophy, and a sportsmanship medal for when my daughter exhibited a particular trait of the week. She loved it, the coach was great, everything was very professional, and I appreciated that practice and games were on the same day with this league. We are considering competitive cheer for the Fall, but the price grows exponentially for a half year program – from $750-1,800!
Golf – This was a 6 week program through the school for $20. We gave it a try and it was fun, but it was more of a sampler class to advertise for an expensive children’s golf league, so we didn’t go forward with it. The kids had some fun hitting the balls around, but they never went farther than that (ie never completed a single hole or regular or mini golf).
Track – For us, this is an eight month program through the school for $20 a year, including a team shirt. It’s only weekly, right after school (so convenient to not have to travel to practices), and it keeps the kids moving, so we’ve done that for three years now. The only down side is that you are required to sign up for local races, which will average you about $45 per runner.
Soccer – Both my kids have done soccer through several different programs, but my daughter hated. This was another problem area for coaches NOT showing up. Overall, this seems to be a huge problem in any program that takes volunteers, so, always be willing to step in if you’re interested in these programs or else your kids will likely get screwed over. Again, you look at about $100 per 6-8 week season, some leagues have you practice on multiple days of the week, plus the travel time to the fields (which never seem to be the close ones to my house), it gets exhausting. Then you have to consider trying to juggle the soccer practice/game schedule with other activities.
I think I’d prefer to wait for the school to offer sports in my son’s grade since it would be cheaper, the coaches would be paid faculty that WILL show up, and also so that I’m not driving 10 miles to this field, 15 to that field, etc, but, I also know that’s a double edged sword. This biggest problem with any team sports is that if your player hasn’t gotten a good handle of playing skills before middle school, you will never make the cut to get on the team at school, which means you’ll also never be able to catch up to join in high school either. So, you basically have to commit to these 3rd party sports programs to get your kid where they need to be so that the school can take some of the financial/driving burden off of your shoulders.
Dance – The $60 a month for dance class wasn’t so bad, but all the recital and costume fees really got up there. I believe the extra fees alone totaled to over $350 more dollars! A hard reality with dance is that, even though they make classes for 3 year olds, the average kid that age is NOT WORTH $1,000 a year to not learn how to dance. What do I mean by “not learn?” You put a small child in a dance class and they are told to sit still, watch, and repeat what the instructor does. Half the kids will be tracing the floorboards with their fingers, some will have non-stop meltdowns, and most will want to dance to their own beat and ignore whatever the instructor is telling them. The kids aren’t learning or understanding technique at this age. Then the recital rolls around and you have to drag your kids over an hour to whatever crazy location that the studio goes after (to look oh so professional) just to watch them goof around on stage. Look up pre-school dance recitals on YouTube, 90% of those kids are doing their own thing, and even the ones trying to dance don’t have the motor skills or memory developed to do the who thing.
Gymnastics – Compared to dance, and depending on the places you have available, I find gymnastics to be a much better alternative to dance for the younger kids. Here, it runs $65 a month with a $15 end-of-the-year trophy fee. The kids get to run around and work at their own pace/level. However, the risk for injuries greatly increases as your child progresses and does more difficult/dangerous routines. Now, there’s not a lot of injuries for a while, and if you get on the competitive team the expenses will skyrocket, but, it is a fun activity for younger kids.
Tae Kwon Do – My kids both attended a dojang for about a year, then we pulled them because of multiple policy issues that I’ll list in a moment. For both kids, it was $110 a month for a 50 minute class that was set up like this: 15 minutes for stretching, 15 minutes for belt forms, 15 minutes for technique or sparring, and 5 minutes for a group game. Now I DO NOT recommend martial arts group classes for a lot of special needs kids. There are a lot of places that advertise Tae Kwon Do as being great for those kids, but, as someone who has observed it all, all pushing them into martial arts does is make everyone else frustrated, including the parents. For instance, the kid bouncing off the walls from ADD/ADHD/ODD is not going to want to be still, sit, and listen for the length of time they are required to in class. What do they do? They run around, hit other students, disrupt the class, lick the windows, and waste everyone’s time because the instructor is straining to control them. If you have a kid that can’t be still, martial arts won’t fix them and give them “more focus” like they may claim in an advertisement, and most of those kids never get to advance very far in the belt ranks either because they just can’t do the work involved. If this is a route you have to go for some reason, do private instruction until your child proves they can handle the curriculum and challenges involved in that, but, personally, I say that if you have a fish, don’t force it to be a monkey and climb a tree – go take it swimming and let your kid excel where they have strengths instead!
My big issues with Tae Kwon Do policy wise were that 1) the place had 13 different belts to earn, 2) the number of stamps on your attendance card was the number one factor that got you a belt test, even if all other requirements were easily met, 3) during belt test season (every other month), kids would spend about 3-5 weeks wasting long stretches of time sitting down in class watching other kids pre-belt test when this should have been handled before/after class, 4) minors could not earn a real black belt and were required to keep attending class until they turned 18 to re-earn it, 5) you weren’t allowed to try higher belt forms with the class, so, again, a lot of time wasted sitting instead of learning, 6) if you asked a question, even privately and off to the side, the owners would yell at you, then give a speech to the class about how they were the Gods of Tae Kwon Do and their policies were law, and 7) they ended up with a dozen different instructors, all contradicting each other, and they kept yelling at the kids for being told different things by different people.
Karate – My husband is actually a black belt, so he started teaching our daughter after we left Tae Kwon Do. Of course, it’s free that way, and my daughter likes both the time with her dad and the one-on-one attention in “class.” We like it a lot better since I always felt like so much time and money was being wasted at TKD. Plus, I’ll tell you a secret with all martial arts: no one is regulating the belt ranks (the colored belts), often not even the black belts, and it is typically at the instructors discretion. With that in mind, please pick any dojo, or the equivalent, carefully and don’t go after a belt mill that has 10+ different belts to earn, or a place that makes black belts in a year – these types of places are about taking your money, not giving you quality instruction.
Theatre – Now, there are a few different routes here. Most areas have community theatres that either do a yearly all-kids production, or they will have kids parts in their normal plays here and there. There’s also a chance that your school will have a drama club. The great thing about theatre is that it’s usually very cheap, if not free. The downside is that it can be a huge time commitment, even if your child has a bit part. It just depends on the company and the director involved, and we have had positive and negative experiences, so my recommendation would be to research your venues and directors carefully so that you don’t have your kids jerked around. Also, THIS IS NOT AN AREA TO BE A HELICOPTER PARENT! Ultimately, you cannot perform for your child, so if they do not have the acting bug and love having lots of strange eyes watching them perform, leave them alone and find a different activity! My daughter loves it, she will grab a microphone and make up a song on the spot in any given situation (she’s 4-H famous for this…) but my son has awful nerves and hates it. If it’s not fun for them, don’t force them into acting!
Scouts – I know this post is huge so I want to lump some things together. Overall, each scout program runs $10-20 a month, plus a yearly registration fee ~$20, and any additional activity fees that you choose to participate in that are optional. I think Cub Scouts is a solid program that’s good for young boys. Boy Scouts is still an adjustment for us, with my biggest issues being that I don’t understand what the heck they do at meetings since they aren’t working on rank or merit badge requirements. We also have a very by-the-book troop that can feel very suffocating since there are so many rules that don’t apply to every situation (ie, we pay for camp, our son signs up for merit badge classes A, B, C, and D, but the troop requires he takes X and Y for a first year, and then plugs him into Z because no one else in the troop wants to take A, and then we end up paying all this camp money for him to do one badge that he actually wants and three we could all care less about). Boy Scouts is also very time consuming, and because it’s boy led and organized, there isn’t always much notice for anything. That means playing sports can be a problem, as you will get held back in rank if you aren’t going to troop camp outs, philanthropy services, and other events. Girl Scouts is a completely different animal. I feel that they have stifled the curriculum when they changed it in 2011, and a lot of active or outdoorsy badges were removed from the program. It’s very craft-oriented and can be very boring. Volunteers are hard to get, and you will spend up to 9 months of your year selling nuts, chocolates, magazines, and cookies as “troop fundraisers.” In reality, a $30 magazine subscription nets the troop $1 and a box of $5 cookies may warrant them earning $0.50. In short, Girl Scouts has gotten overly commercialized and greedy with way too many over-priced staff members in their offices.
Reading Bowl – I actually did this myself in middle school. I think the fee now is $20 to cover the team shirts, and then you dedicate some time after school to practices. It isn’t a whole year-long program, so that’s nice. If your child is a strong reader, this is a good program for them to join. I will say, though, they need to be dedicated to reading every book they can as fast as they can. This past year, my son tried to spread out the reading over the Summer and forgot a lot about those books by the time the January competition rolled around. Another good tip – ask your library if you can special order the books on the reading bowl list. Not every place has every title, but if they have a state-wide agreement, you may be able to reserve the books and get them shipped to your library for free.
Math Club – This was a free after-school program that showed elementary students algebra and geometry. It is by invitation only (for us), but I would recommended it if it is available to your child. Common Core math is a nightmare, so any advantage they can get in that department will be beneficial.
Art Club – Another school based club, it ran for several months for $20. If it is through the school, I would recommend signing your kid up for the program. If it is an expensive group class through some art center to teach 6-year-olds how to paint, I would not waste a dime on that. If you’re paying decent sums of money for art classes, wait until your child is at least in middle school and can 1) absorb the information on techniques and 2) actually have an opinion as to whether or not they care about art. Basically, don’t start them too young and make art a chore – young kids are already happily creative at home for free!
Science Fair – Schools are really amping these things up! My son did one in Kindergarten involving how well soap cleaned his hands. He didn’t have the opportunity to do another project until 5th grade, where it is now the “science and engineering fair” and kids are pushed towards creating working devices and machinery. The list of standards and requirements were insane! I would check out an interest meeting and see if you are up for coaching your child through a challenge like the new S.T.E.M. science fairs.
Junior Beta Club – This is an academic club that does a few meetings and service projects throughout the school year. We were charged $20 for membership fees, and we went with it because it’s a national program that looks good on a college application, but I don’t really have a good sense of what the kids do, if anything.
Gifted Program – This is free, paid for by the school, and your child has to test into it. It comes with faster paced curriculums, more projects to do, and field trips not open to other students. It’s definitely worth exploring, but they testing can be difficult, especially for younger kids who may not understand why they didn’t score into the program.
Pokemon and other card gaming – I ran the local Pokemon leagues for years, and so I talk to you now from a very burnt-out standpoint. The card game area is truly pushing out the younger players because the kids who grew up with Magic the Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Pokemon and still playing it twenty years later. They are throwing all of their income at it, and they are destroying your kids in the game minutes after they sit down until they are frustrated and don’t want to play any more. The cost to getting a starter deck is typically about $15 per game series. HOWEVER, the cost of having a competitive deck that gives your child a chance at enjoying the game will run up to $700 (much higher for Magic cards). There are constantly more events that cost more money and new cards being released every few months (which, every time that happens, it tends to render the previous cards useless). The problem is, even if you don’t want to be competitive, the “for fun” leagues will be overrun with 20 and 30-somethings who are competitive, who have zero tact for dealing with younger people, and most children are already chased out of the leagues from being overwhelmed. So, finding any other players that are in elementary age is rare, and, generally, kids who are middle school age come with their friends and tend to get bored quickly. So, my advice to parents is that, unless their kid is insanely, obsessively interested in a game, DO NOT let them know that gaming leagues even exist.
Piano Lessons – I did piano when I was 8. I was forced into it, hated it, and hated the old teacher I had who would spend most of my lessons in the toilet, on her phone, or complaining about her life in general. I refused to practice until my mom begrudgingly let me quit. I do remember that it cost $8 an hour back them. When my son wanted to try piano at age 6, the price had gone to $30 in a music school – and half an hour of that was computerized “music theory” each week. I think we lasted about two months before I felt the cost was too high. Actually, my last straw was getting stuck in a traffic jam, getting there late, and the school refusing to work with us or let my son make up the missed class time, but still demanding payment. I know that’s a grey area, but, for those high prices you should work with your clients so they don’t feel ripped off. Now, should your child take piano in elementary school? Probably not. They will likely be able to get into the school band and then get lessons in any instrument they want for free starting in middle school, and, if your child is truly interested in piano you can buy them beginner books and they can literally teach themselves. I remembered nothing from my piano lessons, but followed the books straight through. The same happened with my son last year in the 4th grade. Lessons do not equate to motivation.
Summer Camp – These can be tricky, vary a lot in prices, but they may be worth your time and money. Now, something like dance or gymnastics camp, I would not do again. They are about 3 hours a day for five days, and with snack time and everything else, the kids aren’t really learning anything for the money. 4-H camp is an over-night week long camp, it is more expensive (but much cheaper than ANY scouting program) and leisurely. I’d say 4-H camp is more like the stereotypical camping experiences that most people think of where the kids just go and have fun for a week. Boy Scout summer camp is basically a rank and merit badge machine that’s another over-night, week long event, designed to be a lot of classes that will earn your child a lot of rank. To the contrary, other Boy Scout camping experiences may be more mellow and let kids play around more. So, it all just depends on what you’re looking for. I’ve never had a camp, even the short day camps, cost less than $150, though, so bare in mind that it can be very costly.
Trying to Mom 